honorshervows | For mischiefandice

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For mischiefandice

She was torn and it was beginning to show. Sigyn was never one to go back on her word, she always kept her vows no matter what. She strongly believed that no matter how hard things got that a person going back on their word was entirely unacceptable. Promises were not meant to be cast aside simply because keeping them became hard. However in this case, it was the first time, she ever felt in turmoil over a decision she had made.

She should have known he was lying to her, but it was always in her nature to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. In her view, that included the former prince and currently secret King of Asgard. Perhaps she wanted to believe his lies. Believe that his intent hadn't been selfish or sinister. He had gone with his brother, Thor and helped him win against the dark elves and the destruction they sought to bring to the entire universe. How could she not at least give him a chance to prove himself? The Allfather had been weary for quite some time and the Queen's death had only weighed on him further, she had seen that much with her own eyes. It would stand to reason that he would collapse again, Loki's words had made sense at the time. If Odin could not rule and Thor refused to rule than who better than the second son of Odin to take the throne?

Perhaps she should have suspected something was wrong, when Theoric all but vanished. However she wanted to believe the lies that he was simply carrying out various missions. She wanted to believe that Loki had Asgard's best interests at heart, but she no longer knew what to believe. He lied about Theoric, maybe he lied about the Allfather too. The only thing that stayed her tongue and kept her from alerting the Einherjar to Loki's deception, was her promise and she had never broken a promise. Truly she didn't want to start, thus the clear solution seemed to find a way to disappear. Though until she could figure out where to go, she attempted to avoid being summoned by the Allfather. A move she knew would only buy her so much time, before he realized something was wrong and ordered her to face him and she would not be able to disobey an order from the King.

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She nearly flinched at hearing him speak the words 'my lady', managing to bite her tongue, while she held in her snapping words. Once upon a time, such words would have made her heart flutter, before her lost fiance and all the web of deceit used to win her pledge.

"Of course not, sire." She answered, just barely keeping her voice from cracking, underneath the weight of her warring emotions. "It was not my intent to worry you. I was merely staying from under foot, lest others get suspicious." She added, not quite a lie but definitely a half truth. For intents and purposes, he was Odin to the realm at large. If the Allfather were seen carrying on with one of his Queen's former ladies, during his period of mourning, it would be seen as a sign of disrespect for his late Queen.

Tightly she shut her eyes at seeing his hand take a hold of hers, even if she had to fight the instinct to pull away from his grasp. She knew all too well what he was doing. He had used kind words before, thus there was nothing he could say that she could afford to trust. Lightly she shook her head as she finally lifted her gaze to meet his, while she moved her own hand up to rest upon his hand that held hers.

"Nothing is wrong, your majesty." She lied, even as her eyes betrayed the hurt she was feeling.

Loki took advantage of the way she kept averting her eyes to observe her coolly, his eyes narrowing as he fixed her, her attempt at deception becoming plain to see.

“Wise indeed,” he agreed warmly, though he could tell she was not telling him the whole truth. Sigyn was not terribly good at lying – or at least not good enough to lie to Loki. He liked this about her as well, the fact that she could not fool him. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb once before pulling away, finding full confirmation of what he had been suspecting in the pain in her eyes.

He rose, leaning in to kiss her brow before standing up. “It is ill-advised of you, to lie to your King,” he stated slowly, his voice low. He stood up and watched her down his nose, squaring his shoulders and putting his hands in his back. “I shall ask again, my lady, and I shall have the truth, this time,” he asked anew, his voice much less friendly as he straightened up, his tone growing as commanding as befitted a King. “What troubles you?”

"Sire, it is not my intent to lie to you. I simply do not wish to burden you with petty matters." Sigyn replied, standing up to face him. "You have far more important matters to handle than anything that might be bothering me." She added, refusing to give him a straight answer as the truth would likely anger him far more than her excuses.

"Your majesty...ögonsten...please allow me to sort things out on my own." She spoke in a pleading tone, moving closer to reach out to him. Very much hoping it would be enough to temporarily keep him at bay, though she knew the conversation would only end when he deemed it.

Her refusal to tell the truth aggravated him slowly though he did not react just yet, his lips thinning into an angry line. “You should not belittle your problems so, dearest. Whatever troubles you is no petty matter to me,” he tried once more, still hoping that he would not have to resort to violence. The urge to lash out and put her in her place was growing difficult to resist.

He took her hand in his when she stepped closer, looming over her. He watched her sharply, not disguising his distrust this time. “You know what will happen, do you not, if I find that you have been plotting behind my back?” he asked, glacial.

She knew she was running out of excuses, but she still she couldn't bring herself to speak her mind to him. She made a pledge and even if she had no intention of telling anyone of his betrayal, she figured he'd still see her wanting to flee as a sign of breaking her word to him. Though in truth, fleeing seemed like the only solution to ensure his secret remained a secret, while distancing herself from the poison that spilled from his lips.

However she couldn't keep the hurt expression from her face at his icy tone and the next question that came from his lips. Her free hand moved up to grasp her chest as she let out an indignant little gasp. "Loki, you needn't be hurtful." She spoke softly. "I have never broken a vow I have made, ever."

Edited 2014-08-09 18:15 (UTC)

“Not even should you realise that you had not taken your vow with full understanding of the situation?” he pressed, putting his hand on hers when she rested it on his chest. He did not hold her in place, his touch gentle though the storm in his eyes told a different story. This was dangerous territory for the both of them, but Loki knew Sigyn knew he had lied to her, and he had to adapt his plans to her reaction swiftly.

"What does it matter? It does not change the fact that I made a vow and my vows are unbreakable." She replied softly, pulling her hand away and letting it drop at her side. Her words being 100% truthful, even as she refused to meet his gaze any longer.

It was not as though, she could be shocked that he would finally realize what was wrong with her on his own. That had been her main reason for avoiding him for as long as she had. She was already bound to him, by her word and honor. She was bound to Loki in ways, that should have only been reserved for Theoric. However it seemed that she and Theoric were never meant to be. Even if he managed to survived, it would not matter, she belonged to Loki.

"I could never betray you, even if I wanted too."

Loki wanted to scoff at the idea of a vow being “unbreakable”, the very concept of such blind loyalty unimaginable to him. Still, as it would play in his favour, he would refrain from openly mocking her about it.

Loki considered her words in silence for a few seconds, giving a curt nod to show that he did believe her. “And do you want to?” he pressed, his voice low and tightly controlled.

She would not have been surprised that he did not understand her level of commitment to vows and promises. Even when they ended up hurting her as it was doing in that very moment. However she was relieved that he had chose not to verbally berate her for it. The last thing she needed or wanted was to have Loki of all people judging her for her loyalty.

"I don't know." she replied as when it came to him, her feelings were so mixed. She didn't want to see him use his new found powers and position to hurt people, but she didn't want to see him hurt either. It was a real conundrum for her, one that she desperately wanted to distance herself from.

Edited 2014-08-23 23:07 (UTC)

Her answer was as good as a 'yes' to Loki's ears. He could hardly blame her, after all. He had broken his end of their agreement.

It was of no interest to him whether she wanted to betray him or not still, as long as she did not. “Will you let me know, when you find out?” he asked, cool and mocking.

"Loki." Her voice full of disappointment over the way he chose to mock her. She felt it unfair of him to do so, especially given the fact that he played on her emotions in the first place.

"Must you mock me?" She asked, bringing her arms up to hug herself. Desperately she wished that there was someone other than Loki she could confide in, but she was utterly alone. Never had she felt so completely trapped until that very moment, when standing across from Loki.

Loki was not particularly interested in being fair. He considered her carefully, half-wanting to take pity on the way she seemed lost and helpless in front of him though he felt nothing but triumph. “I'm afraid so,” he answered, and it did not sound mocking this time, but almost apologetic. “You know how I am.”

"I do." She sighed softly, completely unsure what to do next. She couldn't go back to simply pretending that she knew nothing of what he done. Even if she desperately wished that she could as it was far easier to follow his paths, when she felt he was doing things for the good of the realm.

"Clearly you have the advantage here, so what do you intend to do?" She asked finally.

Loki considered her for a few seconds, almost mildly. He leaned it to kiss her forehead, cupping her jaw gently. "Perhaps it would be better for you not to know, alskling. For then, when you do betray me, I shan't have to silence you."

"Oh Loki, what sort of life do you intend to live, if you are constantly waiting for the ground to crumble beneath your feet?" She asked with a sigh, already tired of the assumption that she would break her vow. If anything, it made her more determined to show him that she was not the type to forsake her pledges, simply because they had grown difficult to follow.

"The sort of life I have always lived," Loki replied without missing a beat. It was an honest enough answer, though delivered in a playful tone. It was entirely possible that he was goading her on purpose too, pretending not to trust her to stir her desire to prove herself to him -and keep her vow.

"And living this way has made you happy?" She asked bluntly, ignoring the playful tone. She may not have known the real Loki, but she had witnessed enough to know that he was far from content.

Though she doubted that anything she could do for him would possibly make him happy. She could only assume that he would never allow himself to feel such things for her. she was his pawn and she would simply have to learn to accept that.

Loki paused for a few seconds, considering her with narrowed eyes before he answered. "Perhaps happiness is not in my nature," he replied slowly. It was a harsh thing to admit to oneself but Loki had the intimate conviction that he was ill-suited for satisfaction, ill-suited for inner peace.

"That is only true, if you allow yourself to believe so." She replied, finding that she did not like to hear him being disparaging toward himself anymore than she enjoyed his barbs toward her.

Despite all that her mind thought about him, she couldn't deny, not even to herself that she also cared about him. But then she had always cared about him, even when she was seemingly invisible to the second born, Prince of the realm.

He snorted, disagreeing. "No. That is true, whether I choose to lie to myself or not. And I choose not to." He arched an eyebrow, grinning a little to mask what her concern made him feel.

"Has living the way you have made you happy?" he taunts, a little mockingly though his eyes were serious enough.

"Was I invisible to you back then or have you simply forgotten that I have seen you before the bitterness fully took root?" She asked, referring to the those formative years, when she came to Asgard to study magic. She can't say that he was always happy back then, but she does remember that he use to be capable of real smiles.

"The only thing making me unhappy is your lies, Loki." She answered in complete honesty, despite the fact she knew he was simply taunting her.

His jaw twitched and set at the reminder, his eyes growing cold with distrust anew. "I remember," he stated curtly, seemingly unwilling to consider how much he might have changed between then and now.

"The truth would make it worse, alskling," he warned, reaching up to tap her chin in a movement that looked both mocking and uncharacteristically awkward.

She noted the metaphorical drop in temperature at her reminding him of the past and knew she had struck a nerve. It hadn't been her intent to upset him further, but she wouldn't pretend that she didn't remember a time, when his smile could light up a room. To her, he had been just as dashing, if not more so than his brother, Thor.

But then she had been one of the few, who had never been enamored with the golden prince of the realm. She respected Thor and she had seen his growth first hand, but nothing about him had ever made her swoon. Loki on the other hand? He had been her first crush, though that was a secret she intended to keep close to her heart.

"Very well," she replied, back stiffening as she looked up at him with a disappointed gaze. "What are your orders, sire?" She asked, just as curt. Clearly she wasn't going to get through to him, so she didn't see much point in pretending otherwise.

To her only, perhaps, and Loki would not readily believe her. The shadow Thor had cast had been large and black, leaving him entirely sun-deprived in his formative years.

He grinned to hide how much it hurt to see disappointment in her eyes, leaning closer with a dangerous glint in his eyes. "I do like it, when you call me sire," he replied tauntingly, tilting his face down to kiss her, more to see her reaction than because he felt affectionate.

Her frown deepened at the way he spoke to her. Though the moment he leaned in to kiss her, she turned her face away so that at most his kiss would land on her cheek. She was far too annoyed and disappointed with him to remain still while he tried to steel kisses from her. Even if he was just trying to get a rise out of her.

"I have noticed." She replied, instinctively moving her hands out to block him from getting into her personal space further. "Your orders, sire?" She repeated, her tone firm.

Loki grinned but accepted her rebuttal, kissing her cheek instead, and oddly gentle brush of his lips against her cheekbone. He looked down at the way her fingers splayed over the chest plates of his armour. He did not try to press closer though he knew she would not have been able to push him away had he truly wanted to hold her close.

"You keep my secrets," he replied, still grinning. "And I shall keep yours."

"Will there be anything else, your majesty?" She asked, resisting the urge to bite back at the particular phrasing of his order. If confronting her about her absence had all he had in mind, than she saw so reason to continue staying in his presence. He had gotten his answers and she was left feeling more disillusioned than before.

She couldn't fathom that he wanted anything else of her, after everything they had spoken about.

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